Learning to Trust Yourself
Often clients come to therapy with a similar refrain: after making a mistake, or experiencing a series of hardships, they report feeling like they can no longer trust themselves. For others, trust seemed illusive since birth. It is something that some people have, and some don’t.
Either way, trust is often viewed as an amorphous feeling, rather than a definable concept. As such, it can be hard to know how to approach practically.
Here, I often refer clients to Brené Brown’s acronym BRAVING. BRAVING defines the components of trust, for both the self and others. It can provide us with a roadmap for change by looking at trust in terms of it’s constituent parts. Here are the seven elements of BRAVING:
B-Boundaries. Having clear boundaries and communicating them leaves little room for interpretation. It is clear to you and others, what is ok and what is not ok and why.
R-Reliable. To put it simply, to be reliable is to say what you do and do what you say. Being reliable is also a practice of not overpromising!
A-Accountability. If you make a mistake, you apologize.
V- Vault. You know what information (for yourself and others) deserves to be kept confidential.
I-Integrity. Integrity centres living life in alignment with your values. If you put values first, it is easier to trust that you are doing what is right, fair or courageous.
N-Non-Judgement. You do not judge your feelings. You do not judge others.
G-Generosity. Being generous towards yourself and others entails giving the benefit of the doubt.
Exploring each of these letters can be done both cognitively and somatically in therapy. For example, we may discuss ways of setting boundaries and try to implement them through homework or use somatic techniques like Gene Gendlin’s Focusing, to feel what a boundary is in the body. If we develop each of these seven components in the self, trust has a chance to follow. If you are interested in learning more, please contact me: jennifer@homebodycounselling.ca
References
Brown, B. (2017). Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Random House.